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My brother David sent me these, and I though they were worth sharing:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
  Got to admire those zombie firearm skills

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says  
   Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers   
   Now that’s taking things a bit far! 
 
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over   
   What a guy!   

Miners Refuse to Work after Death  
   No-good lazy so-and-sos! 

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant   
    See if that works better than a fair trial! 
 
War Dims Hope for Peace   
   I can see where it might have that effect! 
 
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While  
   Anything’s possible!

Cold Wave Linked to Low Temperatures   
   Who would have thought! 
 
Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide   
   They may be on to something! 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges   
    You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape? 
 
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge   
   Electrifying!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group  
   Why? Weren’t the first lot fat enough? 

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft  
   They told him not to take the baked beans!  
 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks   
   I bet they taste like chicken.

Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half   
   That’s one way to get rid of them!  
 
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors   
   Boy, are they tall! 

And the winner is….  
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  
   That was in Ireland, right?

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